Ode to Naps.

I learned how to nap while I was pregnant. I've never been a napper as an adult, but last year I learned to love it. 

The whole nine months I was pregnant I gave myself permission to accomplish nothing, nothing except doing a good job growing that baby that is. 

In the first trimester, I'd come home from work & just get into bed & read & doze off & daydream about the baby & what she would be like. 

I read so much last winter. Some of my favorite memories of pregnancy are the days I stayed home from work because of snow or a cold or something & just read by the fire & drank hot chocolate & enjoyed feeling the baby move inside the whole day. 

I've never allowed myself to slow down like that before, & it's been a lesson that's certainly been helpful, being home alone with an infant these past months. 

I remember towards the end of the pregnancy really making an effort to savor those pregnant naps, getting into the sanctuary of my bed & feeling Iris inside there with me. Falling asleep feeling Iris move inside me was some of the best sleep I've ever had. 

And now to the present, napping with my five month old. I've learned over these five months that I have been Iris' mama to read her moods a bit better, so although I don't always get this right, on the good days I lie her down on our bed with me & curl up next to her & nurse her to sleep. Those moments together on our bed where she's quietly nursing & holding tight onto my hand with her tiny hand are when I feel like I've done everything right. I try to be really present in those moments, because it's something I feel like I always need to remember. 

Sometimes I take a nap with her. Sometimes I try to accomplish something. I try not to worry if I don't accomplish anything. Sometimes I do this, while she sleeps sweetly beside me. 

This is an amazing day as this is her second real nap. During the first one I ate a fried egg & Brussels sprout sandwich, by myself, at the table, & read a book. I really enjoyed the moment of solitude, but I was happy to see my girl when she woke up. 

There's a lot of things I could be doing, but for right now I'm just going to enjoy the company.

She just opened her eyes real wide, sighed contentedly, & went back to sleep. And then two minutes later, eyes back open, & tears. And then nursed back to sleep. I'm glad that I chose to stay here with her & was here when she woke up. 

Sometimes I feel like I spend my whole life in this bed, but life could definitely be worse.