Five Months.

Iris Marjorie is five months old today.

This is what she is doing right now. It's about 8am, November 14th, really sunny in that New England late fall chilly all the leaves off the trees & everything brown & frosty but no snow sort of way.

We've been up since 5am. Who knows why, Iris just thought that was a god idea today. The light has been really nice, I find I spend a good deal of time lately noticing the light, sitting & holding a baby & looking out the window. 

I've got coffee (decaf but good decaf) & am still in my lobster pjs & we are cuddled up on our new tiny IKEA couch with Dusty Rose. 

Here's DustyRose. 

It's a beautiful morning. When we were still snuggling in bed earlier as the sun was coming up, I was missing driving to work at 6am this time of year, watching the sun rise, having the temperature be real chilly for the first time of the season, enjoying the feeling of layers of wool & shearling boots & how good it was to have a hot coffee when I finally arrived at work. 

Heaven knows I didn't enjoy it at the time. Waking up in the dark, walking to the freezing car...hell no. 

But now sometimes I miss the urgency of actually needing to be somewhere, anywhere. It's odd to get up day after day with no real agenda besides making sure a tiny person survives the day. 

I've always really wanted to have a child. That has always been one of the things I wanted most. Now here we are.

It still seems rather surreal that she is here, that she is real. 

The holiday season last year it just seemed so unbelievable that in a year, this whole other person that didn't exist yet would be joining us. Even in June when she was born it was hard to believe that come winter she would be a much bigger girl needing a Christmas stocking & wearing snow suits. 

I think it's hard to have what feels like an unattainable goal your whole life & then achieve it. How do you live then? I guess we are still figuring that out. 

I'm writing super fast because Iris is stirring & I think she's about to wake up. 

I use to hate being interrupted writing more than anything, I think that's why I keep not starting, because I'm not sure how to adjust to writing under the potential interruption at any time conditions of being home alone with a baby. 

But here's to trying. 

Happy Five Months in this world, baby girl. I love you more than anything on this earth & you've changed my life more than I thought anything possibly could. 

And now sleepy little eyes are peeking up at me.