Set the scene. Iris is napping. I'm at the kitchen table by the window & the poetry books.
Nice November light today. Bare trees, pale sunlight.
Sandwich. Fried eggs, two of them, sliced bread, cheddar cheese, last night's leftover battered deep fried Brussels sprouts...there they are.
(See, this is still a food blog!). Lots of mayo & sriracha. I've got a cup of cold coffee from the morning.
I'm reading. I'm eating fast, because who knows when the tiny human will wake up.
And I'm reading Alison Bechdel, & she's referencing Adrienne Rich on motherhood, & I'm seated right there by all of Adrienne Rich's books, & I wonder, can you really be an artist & a mother? And do either on properly, the way you really want to? Can I?
I always believe that you could, but actually being a mother, I don't know. I can't even write this post.
I personally am so self centered when I make art, & I think I really need to be in that place where I put art first to do it well.
And now I put Iris first, & can barely complete a thought.
I feel like having Iris is the most important thing I've ever done & I would rather do this than have my opportunity to be self centered & make art back, but still. Do I want the same thing for her? Or do I want her to be famous & fabulous & everything she could ever possibly want?
Does anyone know?
I don't know why I had such a moment there. Maybe I should just focus on sandwiches. It was a great sandwich. The eggs were freshly gathered from our chickens & I fried them in butter in a cast iron skillet & melted the cheese on top in the pan.
And ha, Iris is sleeping on my lap now, so maybe I'll just post this as is.
Happy Friday night, world, here at the homestead we are having spicy duck soup & homemade biscuits for dinner.
And listening to Britney Spears. And still contemplating the meaning of motherhood.
We totally were just dancing around the kitchen to Britney... it must be that kind of night. I keep reminding myself that *this* part of completely enmeshed motherhood isn't forever. I don't see myself as able to be very creative right now as I nurture these small beings... but I know that eventually (and probably sooner than I will wish) they will need less me and I will have more me back. Maybe they nurture each other- art and creativity and making new people. But I think, at least it seems to me, it takes time to figure out what the new world is like, and where all those parts of you fit in it.
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