fall .1

Because tonight was such a classically fall dusk, and when I got off of work at 5:30 the sun was already setting (gorgeously, with very dramatic clouds), and then I just got home from a long walk in the dark, and stood on top of that hill near smith looking at the clear fall night sky and the mountain, it just hit me that this weird summer I've been having is over.
I've know that, obviously, but I haven't really felt it at the same time. This past summer was so fast, or at least time had a really strange quality much of the time, and I felt so unconnected to things, and so detached from any control of the way events were progressing. I think it was a great summer overall, in the sense that it was a transitional period, and I think essentially all the changes were good, too. I would much rather be where I am today then where I was last june, for instance.
But so much time passed, and I never even noticed. The theme of the summer pretty much was that it would take weeks for me to accomplish the simplest things, like buy toilet paper or do laundry, or clear off the kitchen table. Or anything. One day seemed to just follow the other with complete fluidit, and before I would know it, an entire week would be gone and I couldn't even manage to wash a few dishes. I think the turning point of that in a weird way was that night right before my birthday when I made massive amounts of sushi and had katie and sarah and ali over for dinner and almost killed them all with the thai dragon peppers in the sushi, and they helped me move my bed and rearrange my room. Ever since then, I've started being so much more phyiscally grounded again. I cook myself good dinners. I buy vegetables. I am not out every single night, but spend sometime home alone in my house, enjoying the space to myself. I read again. I collage in my sketchbook. I carry out my ideas for art projects, at least sometimes. The house is usually fairly clean, at least acceptable. The kitchen table is usually free of piles insane clutter. Although I guess there's a few other reasons I might be feeling physically grounded right now, too. Haha.
But hell yeah, having my focus and sense of control back is awesome. Yay seasonal changes and being aware of them.