thanks.

I'm almost to my personal deadline for recovery (start of spring), and that means somehow I survived this winter.
Like this is an awards show (I know I'm way too obsessed with celebrity culture, well you know what, it's my healthiest current obsession so I'm gonna go with it), credit goes to: rin (for sitting there and listening to me so many, many times, and always knowing psychically exactly when to call me), beth & sarah h (cause I needed somewhere awesome to go on friday nights and plus oh my god, so much support and crafts and good thrift stores sense from you guys heart heart heart), my parents, especially my dad (for weirdly not judging me for ruining my own life, and supporting me so much), troy (for never once saying this was my fault, although a lot of it really was), hilary (for understanding me a lot, and remembering to check in) ali (for continuing to be the same incredible sister she's always been), and tim (for saving my life this winter, absolutely, one hundred percent through the written word). thanks so godamn fucking much y'all.
I was thinking about this while walking today (and even though it was kind of freezing it was definitely a spring day)(ha! "kind of" and "definitely" in the same cause, I'm so conflicted)(so I was reminded of the deadline)(ha! again so many ellipses)(I love ellipses), and I was suddenly so humbled I was tearful.
Not to be cheesy, but omg, it's been a hard couple of months (I know it's stupid, and worse things could totally happen to a person, way way way worse, oh god I do know, and I'm so grateful really), but still, I've been struggling to remain above water lately.
And none you ever, ever pointed out that obviously, in face of all possible disasters, this is nothing. Cause you knew I already knew that, and reminding me wasn't going to help anything.
Everyone was so kind in the face of my total breakdown over stupid personal shit.
Sorry if this is incredibly cheesy, but I am essentially breathless with thanks.
And I think one of the positives of a really bad betrayal is that you come to appreciate the people who are true.
so thanks. you are so appreciated.
AND.
final thank you,
(greg).
for continuing to take my calls and treat me like a true friend after what I did.
You have no idea how much that meant to me and I have no way to tell you.
(I'm writing this like I'm talking to you directly, but I'm sure many of those named don't bother with reading this nonsense.)
k. night. thanks.