my state of mind

so below i've posted two surveys i just filled out, because i think that they are a pretty accurate record of my state of mind right now, and i think i should remember this. i'm really having to struggle a lot with being grateful right now...i can think of one million ways in which this situation could have been worse, much worse, and yet every time i turn around i find myself complaining about something stupid, like not being able to easily zip my sweatshirt. or not being able to drive. or not being able to wear most of my clothes. and i know before i got hurt i was complaining about even more stupid things. like having to go to work. even though right now i am dying to go to work. but i'm sure when my hand heals work will still suck. so this whole post is just to remind me to be more self-aware and not complain so much. and to remember to be grateful. because this thing with my hand is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet it's somehow been kicking my ass.

anyway, below are those surveys. i seem to have forgotten to eat all day, so i should go take care of that. someday you can look forward to the post about how my fucked up body issues are doing with my not really being able to exercise much. it's fun. but i'm not even ready to write about that yet.

also, you guys should give me shit if i don't post a lot of blogs over the next few weeks. what else do i have to do but write?

1

1. Who were you with last Friday night?
greg. we got super drunk for free at gallery night, then went to packard's and had burgers. mine was deep fried and had cheese and jalapenos inside, yay!

2. What woke you up this morning?
nothing really, i'm home recovering, i have nowhere to be. i think it was the sunlight hitting the bed, maybe.

3. Where are you?
at my desk, even though i should really move the laptop to the bed so i can put my hand up.

4. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
should be, i'll still be in a cast but i'm going to go buy art supplies to make one-handed art. might as well try to use all this time off of work.

6. When's the last time you cried?
i keep throwing stupid temper tantrums about stuff i can't do that i really shouldn't get that upset about. i really know it could be much worse. i do. i am trying to be more mature. i am. my boyfriend is very long suffering.

7. What were you doing at 10 last night?
playing life with ali and katie and greg.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
either sleeping or still reading one good thing by kate atkinson.

11. What were you doing at 2:00am?
definitely sleeping by then.

12. Ever thrown up from a roller coaster or an amusement park?
once. on the horrid pirate boat thing at knott's berry farm when i was little. but my gramma had just feed me a bunch of fried chicken right before going on the ride.

13. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
i kind of want the use of my left hand back.

15. Where would you like to live?
lot's of different places. a house on cape cod. a house in vermont. a place in new orleans. a place in san francisco. an apartment in new york city. an apartment in tokyo.

16. What kind of home would you like when you grow up?
like my room right now, only expanded. lots of specialized rooms for art projects. like the collage room, or the knitting room. the quilting room. lots of libraries. a wonderful kitchen with a viking stove and fancy kitchen appliances. a herb and vegetable garden. lots of thrift store paintings, especially ones of tigers.

17. What do you want to be when you grow up?
artist, rock star, worlds fastest crocheter.

18. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
hmmm.

21. What is the longest you have gone without checking your myspace?
well, since i've been at home in a cast, i check myspace every three minutes. literally.

23. Who was the last person that sent you a message?
On myspace? either diane or danielle.

24. Are you friends with this person?
yes with both of them.

25. How often do you log in to myspace?
Usually once a day, right now, all the time.

26. What do you like to do in the car?
sing along loudly to britney spears and the silver jews. (i wish there was actually a britney spears/silver jews duet album). drink coffee from 7-11 in insane flavors.

27. Do you like candy necklaces?
absolutely. i also love ring pops. i'd really rather all my jewelry was edible.

28. When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
does running into the milk bottle with my finger count?

29. Do you listen to music every day?
yes, all the time.

31. What was the last thing you ate?
i just realized i haven't really eaten all day. bad lizzie. i did just drink a kombucha. in grape.

33. Is it the weekend?
it's friday evening.

34. What are you doing tonight?
probably just hanging out in my room reading and listening to music. i left the house for a few hours today. i think it was all i'm up to.

35. Whats your favorite soda?
i don't really drink soda much, but a coke (regular not diet) is required for certain foods, like mcdonalds french fries.

36. Ever moved?
quite a bit. although maybe still not enough.

38. Favorite sport to watch?
basketball.

39. What do you want right now?
right this minute i really want to put my hair in a ponytail. which i can't do with one hand and it's been driving me crazy since i hurt myself.

40. Are you listening to music right now?
yes. tegan and sara, the con.

41. Do you like summer break or Christmas break better?
i don't think i get those breaks anymore.

42. What was the last tv show you watched?
the wire on ondemand.

44. Best place to eat?
in noho: osaka, green street cafe, circa.
in the world, citrus club and cancun in sf, croissant d'or in new orleans, apsara's in providence, mamas in nyc, kates seafood in brewster, the wonderful oyster place in portland, me, lots more, just those off the top of my head.

45. What time is it?
6:18 pm.

46. What should you be doing right now?
maybe lying down. other than that, not sure.

48. What song makes you cry?
tons, lots of silver jews, cat power, jenny lewis, tom waits.

49. What song makes you happy?
right now, piece of me, britney spears.

50. What do you listen to before you go to bed?
whatever cd i am obsessed with at the moment.

53. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
one of the glitter ones.

56. What is your cars name?
big green car.

57. What is your dream car?
a car i can drive a lot without getting it fixed much.

58. What is your favorite state?
louisiana. although i'll probably never live there again.

59. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
probably someplace in asia. or north africa.

60. What is the farthest from home you have ever been?
london.

61. When is the last time you threw up?
the horrible day after we went out to celebrate nora's last day at the tunnel bar and i drank so much i almost died i think.

62. Who was the last person to call you?
greg.

63. What does your last incoming text message say?
still going but almost over

64. Where was your last kiss?
about an hour ago.

65. Would you kiss that person again?
yes!

66. How would you describe your mood?
Okay. copping. trying to be grateful that things aren't worse but still frustrated.

2

1. When you're home alone, do you still close the door when you shower?
yes because i have a lot of housemates. i think i would do it alone, too, just out of habit.

2. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn't?
Yes

3. Did you ever have a person VERY close to you pass away?
no.

4. You win the $300 million power-ball lottery. What do you do with it?
buy a big gorgeous house somewhere amazing. buy some house for other people. fund a lot of art projects. travel. pay off loans.

5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
very loud.

6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
always beach.

7. When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night?
morning. but night in the winter, so my hair doesn't freeze. i have long hair AND hate hair dryers.

8. Can you watch scary movies alone?
no, i get paralyzed with fear and have to hide under blankets.

9. Soft bed or firm?
firm, with tons of blankets.

10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
out and about! thats why im going crazy right now. but i'm trying to deal. and home is nice too. i like it better when i can cook or knit, but its hard to do those things with one hand. but i've still got reading and the internet.

11. Have you ever wet the bed?
not in recent memory.

12. Favorite necklace?
i don't have one right now. i do wear 7 bracelets and the same earrings everyday.

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people or a few close?
both.

14. What are your plans for November?
recover from hand accident. make some art while recovering. go home for a while and spend time with my mom. try to see friends i've been neglecting.


15. Where would you like to live?
san francisco, new orleans, new york, cape cod, vermont, montreal, japan, china, spain...

16. Who was your last hug?
walley!

17. What's on your mind right now?
medical stuff

18. What is one fear that you can't seem to overcome?
people

19. Are you good at math?
no

20. What's stashed under your bed?
my vintage linens collection. luggage. artwork.

21. Is there anyone you regret ever meeting?
i try to have no regrets, you never know what leads to what.

22. In the opposite sex, where should the piercings be?
don't care.

23. Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
i suck at having roommates. i'm good at living with my significant other only, it seems like.

24. Do you drink iced coffee?
don't know what i would do without it.

25. Do you like to drive?
yes! i miss it so much!

26. What is your favorite thing to wear?
my fur vest at the moment. and i am grateful to my target fleece lined sweatpants, since i can't do buttons very easy right now. and they are very cozy.

27. If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
that would be interesting.

28. Do you give money to homeless people when they ask?
no. too much time living in new york.

29. A weekend in Las Vegas or Key West?
i'm sort of obsessed with vegas.

30. Last time you cried?
a little while ago.

31. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
i'm sure.

32. You have 3 months left to live, what do you do?
spend time with the people i care about, enjoy myself, i guess. ps i really hate this question. who knows, really.

33. You're having a bad day, what's one thing that can make your day better?
the right music. a hug. a carmel macchiato. a glass of whitehaven sauvignon blanc. greg. ali.

34. What's worse: Tanning bed or Sun Rays?
i don't even know what sun rays is. but all fake tanning stuff is weird.

35. Have you ever talked on the phone for 5+ hours?
yes.

36. You wake up in an unfamiliar place, what is your first reaction?
how drunk was i.

37. Is there anything that you should be doing right now?
sadly, not really. that's sort of the problem.

38. If there was a way to know when and how you're going to die, would you want to know?
I don't know.

39. What is your favorite breakfast?
eggs benedict with really good hollandaise. bacon. biscuits. gravy. cheese grits. all that good southern stuff.

40. Your phone rings at 4am, who do you expect it to be?
that hasn't happened in a long time. don't know who i'd expect.

41. Last thing you ate?
dinner last night. udon noodles and peppers and broccoli.

42. are you vegetarian?
no, used to be, for a long time. but i love seafood and bacon.

43. Do you hate anyone?
i don't hate. i get into unpleasant situations, though.

45. Do you have kids?
no. maybe one day?

46. Would you want to date anyone on your top friends?
i am dating one of them.

47. Do you go to school?
no.

48. What's your relationship with the people in your top friends?
they're a pretty rockin' bunch of people. or why else would they be my top friends?

49. Do you have a crush on someone?
yes.

50. Do they know?
i assume, since i've been dating him for more than a year and we live together.