Lost Garden Post.

Text of an unfinished post from July 28th of this year:

 "Red Russian Kale, Collards, Rainbow Chard, Lacinto Kale, Totsoi, Leeks, Shallots, Zucchini, Habanero, Jalapeño, & Cubanelle Peppers, Red Russian Garlic, Purple Hardneck Garlic, Assorted Heirloom Tomato Varieties, including Paul Robeson, Pink Brandywine, Green Zebra, Sungold, Black Cherry, Cherokee Purple, in the vegetable garden now. Planting basil & Napa Cabbage & Romanesco Broccoli today.
Rosemary, Lavender, Parsley, Sage, Thyme, Tarragon, in the herb garden.
Narstirscums, Zinnias, Purple Coneflower, Snapdragons in the flower garden.
I like to recite that list in my head, it's a poem."

Iris was just over a month old. I was still thinking that I might go back to work at the end of August. 

That all seems like a very long time ago. 

The garden was totally half assed this year. Back in May & early June when I was very pregnant (Iris was born June 14th), we bought some veggie starts at the Greenfield Farmers coop & somehow got them in the ground. So what that we usually grow our own veggie starts inside in the winter & buying them felt like cheating? So what that although I was on maternity leave for three weeks during prime gardening season before Iris was actually born, I managed to accomplish nothing more than planting small flower & herb gardens near the house, since the weed jungle in the field were the vegetable garden is was too overwhelming. 

One thing I wish I could tell my pregnant self is that getting stuff done when pregnant is way easier than getting stuff done with an infant. 

The morning I woke up in early labor I woke up very early, & was very inspired to garden. Of course it poured rain all that day. 

But I lay in bed in the early dawn that Thursday morning & planned out all the plants I was going to buy on that Saturday's farmers market & how I was going to garden all weekend, so what if I was 41 weeks pregnant. 

Of course I woke up that Saturday in the hospital next to a one day old baby girl. 

I guess that garden inspiration was my form of nesting. 

The garden on November 14, 2013, Iris' five month birthday, around 10:30am. 

The garden on November 21, 2013, one week later, around 4:15pm, as the sun was starting to set. 

We still have Red Russian Kale, Lacinato Kale, Rainbow Chard, Collards, Leeks, & Totsoi going strong here on November 22nd.

I am proud to say that even at almost Thanksgiving in Western Massachusetts, 

I could go outside & gather the elements to make a meal from the chickens & the garden. 

It's a quite dreary damp day here today, it's around 11am & I am lying in bed next to Iris who is enjoying her late morning nap. This nap sometimes either never happens or lasts five minutes, so I am savoring the fact that it has already lasted  fifteen. 

As I typed that I glanced over & her eyes were open. 

Ah babies. 

Ode to Naps.

I learned how to nap while I was pregnant. I've never been a napper as an adult, but last year I learned to love it. 

The whole nine months I was pregnant I gave myself permission to accomplish nothing, nothing except doing a good job growing that baby that is. 

In the first trimester, I'd come home from work & just get into bed & read & doze off & daydream about the baby & what she would be like. 

I read so much last winter. Some of my favorite memories of pregnancy are the days I stayed home from work because of snow or a cold or something & just read by the fire & drank hot chocolate & enjoyed feeling the baby move inside the whole day. 

I've never allowed myself to slow down like that before, & it's been a lesson that's certainly been helpful, being home alone with an infant these past months. 

I remember towards the end of the pregnancy really making an effort to savor those pregnant naps, getting into the sanctuary of my bed & feeling Iris inside there with me. Falling asleep feeling Iris move inside me was some of the best sleep I've ever had. 

And now to the present, napping with my five month old. I've learned over these five months that I have been Iris' mama to read her moods a bit better, so although I don't always get this right, on the good days I lie her down on our bed with me & curl up next to her & nurse her to sleep. Those moments together on our bed where she's quietly nursing & holding tight onto my hand with her tiny hand are when I feel like I've done everything right. I try to be really present in those moments, because it's something I feel like I always need to remember. 

Sometimes I take a nap with her. Sometimes I try to accomplish something. I try not to worry if I don't accomplish anything. Sometimes I do this, while she sleeps sweetly beside me. 

This is an amazing day as this is her second real nap. During the first one I ate a fried egg & Brussels sprout sandwich, by myself, at the table, & read a book. I really enjoyed the moment of solitude, but I was happy to see my girl when she woke up. 

There's a lot of things I could be doing, but for right now I'm just going to enjoy the company.

She just opened her eyes real wide, sighed contentedly, & went back to sleep. And then two minutes later, eyes back open, & tears. And then nursed back to sleep. I'm glad that I chose to stay here with her & was here when she woke up. 

Sometimes I feel like I spend my whole life in this bed, but life could definitely be worse.